new morning

big changes coming to the blog.

as soon as i stop being so lazy.

in the meantime, check out this awesome picture of my room mate & me:

see you on the moon!

i was out of my bed for a grand total of 4 hours today.
i just ate a whole bag of chocolate & peanut butter chex mix.

i am in a state of utmost turmoil.

in unrelated news i cut my own bangs and i think they turned out ok.

this is doniell. doniell and i are what you would call 'polar opposites'. she is loud and outgoing and energetic. i'm shy and would rather watch a movie and take a nap than anything else. but doniell is what you would call my 'best friend'.
she brings out the energy and fun that's buried somewhere in my sad, mushy interior and i'm always around to listen to the many thoughts and ideas buzzing around in her head. she pumps me up and i mellow her out. it's what you call 'balance'.

i may have mentioned this once or twice, but i have been for the past several months what you would call 'ultra depressed'. i've messed up basically every relationship that was important to me but the one that keeps coming around is doniell. we've had our share of arguments and while they have been fairly vicious, they don't last long. she knows i need her to be patient and understanding, and she's willing to stay in and watch will & grace with me even if she'd really rather be out wreaking havoc on our fair city. she also knows that i'm always around to make her cookies or hash browns (her favorite) and that my couch is always available for a nap when she's had a long night. being needed is one of my favorite things in the world & it really doesn't happen that often. but i know doniell needs me.
she'll bring me along on errands because she knows i need to get out of the house but also because she enjoys my company and makes a point to tell me so. she texts me countless times in a day because she knows i'm lonely but also because she wants my opinion on everything.
so now as we're both getting ready to move away in opposite directions and go to college and start 'real life', we know things will be different. i won't be home all the time for her to come hang out before one of her busy activities, and she won't be around to get me out and about. but we already have plans to visit on weekends and talk all the time and keep up on our blog (yeah we have a blog. don't worry about it.) and make sure that we're always updated on one another's lives. which people always say, but with doniell i know it's true.
and what's really nice to know is that there is somebody around who loves and needs me just as much as i love and need them.

vibes and stuff

school starts up in a month & i'm really not ready. like..at all.
i'm signed up for 2 classes that i don't even need, but the ones i needed are full. i have to officially change my major. i have to take a lot of math. i don't like school.
on top of that i have to move out of one parent's house and into the other's. which i'm excited for of course, but moving is also a chore and i realized i have a lot of stuff and clothes and things and a cat.
but here is where i am really losing it:
i miss my missionary tom.
but i also miss my ex boyfriend cory.
and i miss my best friend jimmy.
who is partially responsible for making cory my ex.
and cory is partially responsible for making jimmy not hang out with me.
did i mention i miss tom?
i don't say this very often because i generally prefer the company
of gentlemen over ladies. but. boys are so dumb.

my first child

on july 14 2008, i was a much different person than i am on july 14 2009.
i was about 20 pounds smaller and had just gotten the cast on my broken wrist replaced, much to my dismay. despite my injury i was enjoying spending the summer with tom, getting ready for my senior year, and awaiting the arrival of morgan.
morgan.
on july 14 2008, morgan wasn't here yet. but i already felt a bond with him. i felt him kick when he was still in tasha's belly and i loaned my surround sound headphones to his parents to make sure he would come into this world listening to the good stuff. i had never really been around babies a lot but i knew i liked them and i was definitely excited for this one to get here.
i don't like to get church-y on the blog (or really ever) but a few weeks prior to morgan's birth my dad had given me a blessing to try to help me out with some back to school anxiety (among other things). and in it he mentioned a connection that i would have with this new baby, and from that moment on i did feel a little bit like he was just my little guy.
throughout this past year i've felt like i had a lot more downs than ups. it was a little harder than i anticipated to say goodbye to tom, school provided more stress and challenges than i was prepared for, and it's been difficult for me to connect with people. but since his first day, morgan has made me happy. i can always make him smile, he lets me feed him and hold him even when his parents are around, he stops fussing when i sing to him, and he is always excited to see me. even people who don't know me very well (but especially those who do) tell me how obvious it is that i'm crazy about that little boy.
he was my first nephew and the first baby on either side of the family. everybody was already excited for him to come into the world, but i don't think any of us knew just how much we were missing before he came around.
so what i'm trying to say, is that morgan was one of the best things to ever happen to me. and probably his parents. and this first year watching him grow and learn and turn into the sweet little person he already is has been pretty amazing. and i'm so excited for every year to come.

nasty.

sometimes i'm embarrassed for what other people do.

just curious..

i can't help but wonder how gerard butler can go from doing movies like this..

and this..

and then be in movies like these.

seriously though.

me: you actually have to sign up online for our rewards card..
old lady with super yellow teeth: i'm not online.
me: you don't have e.mail?
olwsyt: no!!

come on lady, it's 2009.
i hate my job.