i hate when i don't know how to say what i want to say.
lately i've been listening to 'the district sleeps alone tonight' by the postal service.
(sorry i don't know how to link to songs.)
and lately it has a lot more meaning than it's had in the past.
basically, the song is about feeling out of place, like you don't belong where you always have.
and realizing that maybe everyone around you is moving on, and you're the one who can't.
like maybe things would be ok if you could accept that they're changing, but you're afraid because you don't know how they'll turn out. and you just want things to go back to the way they were. and you're sick of everything changing but you can't do anything about it. and you're really trying to be happy, but sometimes everything hits you at once and you break. and you should stop wallowing in self-pity all the time, but at this point you don't know how to fix yourself. nobody seems to understand how hard it is to not know where you're supposed to be, and you know where you want to be, and you can't figure out why you're not there if it's what makes you happy. nobody seems to understand why you have to get so scared and why you can't just deal with it. and you can't seem to tell everyone that you're trying as hard as you can to work everything out and it can be exhausting. and you just want everything and everyone to be ok, even if it means pretending that it already is, regardless of how much it hurts for a while.
i guess that's a lot of meaning to get out of a song. but that's what it said to me, anyway.