they say time heals everything,

but i'm still waiting.

there will be days of peace.

i don't feel like writing a super long blog. but this is what is currently on my mind:

-i love the rain. it makes everything so much healthier, cleaner, and more peaceful. and i love the smell of rain on pavement. everything about rain is beautiful.

-i think the inventor of temporary tattoos is a terrible person. i don't know what led me to believe it would be a good idea to put one on today, but i have since come to my senses and can't seem to remove it, this metallic bulldog bearing the words 'hood hound'.
in my defense, it really was funny at the time. but now, seriously, gah.

-'i will be there when you die' (/my morning jacket) can make me cry within the first few notes. and i mean really cry. not the usual "aww this song is sad, sniffle sniff." but heaving shoulders, loud sobs, big gasps, wailing, red-faced, absolutely pathetic cry. the kind that should in theory only exist in very unhappy children, but in fact also resides in my heart when this song comes on. (i don't even know why, the lyrics aren't really that bad.) there are actually a few that do that to me these days. but this takes the cake, for now.

-but, also, 'when u love somebody' (/fruit bats) is one of the sweetest songs ever recorded.
"when you love somebody it's hard to think about anything but to breathe."
and ohh, how true that is.

i guess i have a lot of nothing on my mind.

i was the one worth leaving.

i hate when i don't know how to say what i want to say.
lately i've been listening to 'the district sleeps alone tonight' by the postal service.
(sorry i don't know how to link to songs.)
and lately it has a lot more meaning than it's had in the past.

basically, the song is about feeling out of place, like you don't belong where you always have.
and realizing that maybe everyone around you is moving on, and you're the one who can't.
like maybe things would be ok if you could accept that they're changing, but you're afraid because you don't know how they'll turn out. and you just want things to go back to the way they were. and you're sick of everything changing but you can't do anything about it. and you're really trying to be happy, but sometimes everything hits you at once and you break. and you should stop wallowing in self-pity all the time, but at this point you don't know how to fix yourself. nobody seems to understand how hard it is to not know where you're supposed to be, and you know where you want to be, and you can't figure out why you're not there if it's what makes you happy. nobody seems to understand why you have to get so scared and why you can't just deal with it. and you can't seem to tell everyone that you're trying as hard as you can to work everything out and it can be exhausting. and you just want everything and everyone to be ok, even if it means pretending that it already is, regardless of how much it hurts for a while.

i guess that's a lot of meaning to get out of a song. but that's what it said to me, anyway.